when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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