He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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