Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I look better un-naked...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
