I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize