man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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