You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
