Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
