Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I have post one night stand depression
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
