oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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