WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
