I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
