haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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