mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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