I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
