i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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