if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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