Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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