it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
