I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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