Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
