Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
