I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Too much gin, very little bucket
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
