The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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