P.S. I can't hear my feet
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
