he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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