I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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