I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
