Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
