im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
