I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
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let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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