I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
