First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
