i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
