I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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