When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
