Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
