I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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