if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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