My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy