I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Be still, my beating vagina.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year