They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
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Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...