Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.