I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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