I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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