omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
