My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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