I hate all girls vehemently.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize