He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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