eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
