I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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