She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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