Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
