If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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