my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
