i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
