my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
