Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF