I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
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girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.