Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
