fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
