he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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