I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Randomize
