They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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