she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
